I don’t know where I’m going. For the first time in my life: I have no plan.

The past several weeks have been ones of confusion, doubt and prayer. I have decided to step away from a full time ministry position in order to pursue the Lord.

This probably sounds counterintuitive, and, to many people in my life, utterly ridiculous. We find the Lord through community and taking steps of faith through acts of service to Him, right?

Right.

But also, God is so much bigger. I not only want to depend on His presence in ministry but also when I am making breakfast or going grocery shopping. I don’t want to go share the love of Christ with the “nations” if it means missing the opportunity to share it with the girls I live with. I don’t want my ministry to be my life: I want my life to be my ministry. I want my God to be my life.

My decision to pursue this ministry position full time was because my ministry was my life. It’s strange how even the things that seem the most glorifying to God can be idols we build to glorify ourselves, whether they be for the approval of people, the desire to be seen and known or as a vain attempt to gain the approval of God.

My decision to step away from this position is out of a desire for Jesus to be my complete life and identity even if it means stepping into the unknown, as scary as it is, trusting in faith that Christ is enough to not only sustain me but also fulfill me and bring me abundant life.

We don’t have to earn His favor, we just have to surrender to His loving protection and care. I want the way I live and orient my life to flow out of a place of this surrender, because God is good and faithful to provide nourishment and rest to His people, whether for the Israelites wandering in the wilderness or my anxious heart this very morning.

When you cry out, let your collection of idols deliver you! The winds will carry them all off, a breath will take them away. But he who takes refuge in me shall possess the land and shall inherit my holy mountain. Isaiah 57:13